And Then

Suddenly
I was crying
Big hysterical gasping crying
So I went to the shower
Where my tears would be
Surrounded
By thousands of tear drops
And I sat there
Gasping in water and air
And waited
For the wave to pass
Then I held out my hand
And if you hadn't been there
I don't know how
I would ever have stood up

For Her

I'm scared
That they'll judge me
That I'll speak
And they'll tell me
I didn't try hard enough
I didn't love good enough
I didn't have time enough
They'll say I'm a fraud
They'll be angry
For her

11.2.07

An endless stream of good intentions
Have wandered through the door
Muttering the chosen lines
We've heard a dozen times or more

I'm grateful that they thought to come
And I wish that they would leave
Giving me the space and time
That I need just to grieve

Unexpected

Unexpected
In the most expected way
Something we worried about for 19 years
We lived with the fear so long
We grew complacent
It seemed
It would not happen
That perhaps our fear
Was unfounded
And certainly
It should not have happened

There is no comfort
We pretend there is
But just like the comfort
Job's friends offered him
It is a cold, cold comfort
What good is it knowing she is happy
For we are abandoned
And unhappy

Because of February 9

Yesterday
Grief came with an icecream scoop
And hollowed out my heart
Turning my limbs to lead
And my eyes bled
My mind shut down
Only my stomach
Understood
And it churned
And burned
And tied knots
Within me
Trying to understand
The unfathomable